Julie Spira is The Cyber-Dating Expert™ and best-selling author of the online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.

Spira has appeared on numerous media outlets for her expertise in online dating including BBC, CosmoGirl Radio, E! Entertainment, FOX News, CyberGuy, Glamour.com, Your Tango, Crain’s New York Business, Men’s Health, Chicago Now-Redye, Los Angeles Business Journal, and many more. She is a contributor to The Huffington Post and is the LA Dating Advice Columnist on Examiner.com.

Spira hosts the weekly radio show, “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert” on BlogTalk Radio and creates IRRESISTIBLE online dating profiles for her coaching clients.

Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com where you can share your online dating stories and receive expert dating advice. 

Julie Spira's Top Ten Q and A’s

1. Q: Do you tell your date there’s no chemistry?

A: Absolutely not. I believe in casting a wide-net and being on good behavior on a date. Even if there is no magic or chemistry, sometimes it takes more than one date to know if there is a connection or not. Perhaps your date will have a friend to introduce you to or invite you to a party. There’s a possibility that he or she may have a business contact to refer you to. Go on record as being the polite one. Insulting will get you nowhere.

2. Q: When do you have sex with a man you are interested in?

A: When you are ready. The three-date unwritten rule for having sex has been happily retired. Sure there are some men who won’t ask you out on the fourth date if he didn’t get you into bed on the third. Be happy he disappeared. He did you a favor. Most men are willing to wait for the right woman. Just how long should you wait? I have known men that waited for 3, 6, 9, even 12 months. Don’t ever feel pressured about having sex before you are ready. You won’t be happy the morning after.

3. Q: When should a man contact the woman after the first date?

A: Within 24 hours. Toss out the old games of waiting three days to call. She may have an overflowing Inbox and you will become recent history if you don’t let her know your intentions to go out again. Send an email or call her within 24 hours to let her know that you enjoyed the date and would like to see her again.

4. Q: What are some the key elements for creating an IRRESTIBLE online dating profile?

• Have a Catchy Screen Name – Create a name that will pique his/her curiosity that may include one of your favorite hobbies. Your goal is to engage in conversation and this is the ice-breaker to get you started.

• Leave the Novel at Home – Make your introductions brief. Long-winded descriptions on how you will ride off into the sunset together may make you appear needy and are cliché. Create a little mystery so you have something to talk about on the phone and on your first-date.

• Have Professional Photos Taken – They don’t have to be glamour shots, but wouldn’t you want a rock-star resume for your perfect dream job? You should feel the same way about your online dating profile. Include headshots and photos of you without your family and pets as well as activities that you enjoy.

• Be Original – I have a saying, “Copy + Paste = Erase” Women have caught on to the trick of copying and pasting a welcome message. Those who do so don’t usually get replies to their emails. Don’t send the same email introduction to every person. It will come across as canned. Always write something personal and original based upon something that resonated with you in their profile.

• Be flirty and fun – Ask questions to pique his/her curiosity that require a response to get the communication going. Be a little mysterious. Have fun and a sense of humor.

• Be Authentic – Sure many women lie about their age and weight, and some men lie about their height or income. When you aren’t recognizable on the first date, chances are you won’t make it to the second date. Even if you do, your date will wonder what else you may be hiding. If you say you like golf just to meet a country-club guy and have never held a club in your hands, you will find a disappointed date when he finds out. Authenticity is back in style, thanks to Facebook and other social networking sites.

• Be Specific – If you want to get married, check off the box on your profile and say so. If you are afraid of scaring someone away, then you have done yourself a favor. A marriage-minded man will find it refreshing that you know what you want.

5. Q: When should I take down my profile when I am dating someone I met online?

A: After the two of you have a conversation about being exclusive and both parties agree. If one is ready to take their profile down and the other is not, have patience. Not everyone moves at the same pace.

6. Q: Should I change my facebook status to “In a relationship” after having sex with someone I am dating?

A: No, no, no. Nothing scares off someone more than having someone they just have met change their status and announce their relationship to over 300 milllion people around the world. Facebook should not be the place to discuss your new relationship or last night’s booty call.

7. Q: Should I add the man/woman I am dating on Facebook to my friends list?

A: If you have just started dating and it isn’t serious, save your personal wall updates to you and your true friends or existing list. You will want to avoid the desire to spy on their wall and vice-versa. Keep your personal life personal.

8. Q: Should I friend an ex on Facebook?

A: I don’t think it is a good idea until both parties have long moved on and there is no desire to get back together again. The only ex I have on my facebook friends page is someone who was my boyfriend in second grade.

9. Q: Should I accept a date via text message?

A: I am not one to accept dates via test messaging and I believe in letting a man know early on about how you feel about text messaging. There is still something to be said about having a conversation on the phone in a healthy relationship. If you are confirming plans already made, a text or email would be fine.

10. Q: How many online dating sites should I join?

A: Start out with one to see how you like it. I then recommend joining two more, one that is a niche site such as a religious site or one with common hobbies, and a free site.

**NEW** Social Commenting via Facebook

0 Comments

Tell Matt & Tamsen what you think!

Matt & Tamsen's Picks

Today's Must Have

SJP NYC By Sarah Jessica Parker

"It" Girl Spotlight

Jen Groover, Author and Innovator

Editor's Bookbag

Poor Little Bitch Girl