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…And Why They’re Not True
1. Real Men Don’t Cry Men cry, just not as openly as women, unless it’s sports-related. Lifetime movies, Anne Geddes photos and Barbara Walters interviews don’t affect us. When Brett Favre delivered his retirement speech, we cried. When Cal Ripken Jr. paid tribute to his late father in his Hall of Fame induction speech, who taught him the game of baseball and also coached him in the majors, we bawled. If a man and woman see a really touching film, the woman will have tissues on her person and actually use them. A man may have a sleeve of some sort and would rather chew his arm off before wiping away any physical evidence of emotional expression. If it’s Brian’s Song, he’s also biting the inside of his cheek while crushing his own bicep with his free hand to prevent the waterworks from flowing. So we cry – we just don’t like to show it.
2. Real Men Think Women Think Size Doesn’t Matter Of course we think size matters. We’re just really generous in our measurement techniques (yes, we all measure and it usually starts from the navel) and in our estimates (we multiplied by at least two). We’re just hoping (a) we’re not the smallest you’ve ever seen, (b) you don’t frown, point or laugh out loud, (c) you never, ever use terms which imply anything other than impressively large, and (d) you lie when we ask about it, and lie even more when comparing to a past lover.
3. Real Men Don’t Ask for Directions Hey, if we’re lost, we ask. Our definition of lost, however, may not coincide with yours. If we’ve crossed more than one state line or burned an entire tank of gas, we’re probably lost. Otherwise, we’re going exactly the way we intended – please enjoy the scenery.
