http://www.AskMattandTamsen.com/ The woman's guide to living, loving and relationships en matt@askmattandtamsen.com Copyright 2010 03 10 2010-03-10T13:35:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_do_i_always_need_my_friends_around/Tamsen Fadal http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_do_i_always_need_my_friends_around/Tamsen Fadal#When:10:40:00Z Dear Matt & Tamsen, I need to always have my friends with me. My boyfriend hates this, how can I learn to be more confident on my own?  Sad and Not Lonely, Carol from Atlanta   Your friends are acting as a buffer between you and your boyfriend. Neither of you will show your true colors to each other when you’re both in groups. Our personalities take on different dynamics during group interaction. Groups can also allow us to be lazy in showing others who we really are because there are other people around to assume the role of entertainer, flirt or clown. Here are a few things to remember that will help you feel confident in wanting alone time with your guy: 1. Guys don’t waste time on girls that they don’t want to be with. He is even demanding alone time, this should make you realize that you are a hot, sexy girl whose boyfriend can’t wait to get his hands on. 2. He could have chosen many girls and he chose you, now that says something. 3. Look as much as you hope that he might be the one, there is a chance that he might not be. So this guy might be “practice” and if you make a bad move when your alone, no biggie. We learn from our mistakes and you won’t make the same one twice especially with Mr. Right, who might be around the corner.   Ask M&T 2010-03-09T10:40:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_wont_he_take_me_shopping/Tamsen Fadal http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_wont_he_take_me_shopping/Tamsen Fadal#When:06:00:00Z Dear Matt & Tamsen, My love of shopping is driving my boyfriend crazy. I work hard and think I should be able to reward myself if I want to, why doesn’t he accept that I deserve it? The Hopeless Bargain Hunter   Girls just want to have fun, especially when it comes to hitting Bloomingdales, Macy’s or H & M every weekend, but make sure your love of shopping doesn’t leave your boyfriend feeling like he is single again. 1. Let him know that this is something you do to relax, and that you are not just trying to max out your credit cards as fast as possible. 2. Bring him a little something home each time you go shopping. We don’t mean you have to buy him the iphone just so you can enjoy a day at the mall, but something small will make him know he wasn’t forgotten. 3. Try to schedule your shopping trips around something he has going on. We promise you that if they football game is on, he will care less if are parading through Express with 17 new outfits in tote. 4. Tell him that you do work hard and you deserve to spoil yourself, but you are really shopping for him because you want to look great everytime he is on your arm. Flattery will get you everywhere! Love & Relationships 2010-03-06T06:00:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/what_can_i_do_to_get_the_guy/Matt Titus http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/what_can_i_do_to_get_the_guy/Matt Titus#When:10:46:00Z Dear Matt & Tamsen, What are some of the hip, modern day “Rules” that women can follow when meeting an interesting guy? Helpless In Houston...   The Rules. It was a book that promised to reveal “Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.” But, times have changed, and so have some of the basics when it comes to dating, love and relationships.   Here are 3 premises to work from when it comes to the dating scene: 1. Don’t be a creature like any other. Be yourself. If you concentrate too hard on being the perfect women, by acting like Emily Post and looking like Heidi Klum, you will be a mess. 2. Talk to a man first. Don’t spend all night pretending to look at the floor when you really want to look at him.  3. Meet him halfway We are all busy. If he is making an effort to see you, try to be accommodating. There is nothing worse than a high-maintenance, demanding woman who only wants things her way. We are not saying go out of your way for him, but if he is making himself available, so should you. There is always something to be said for a women that is “femininely aggressive.” Don’t be mistaken, to be femininely aggressive is an art and very few women can paint this picture. Approaching a guy and arranging a coffee or an after work drink, in a casual manner, is perfectly acceptable. The art is not in the delivery or the question, but is in the choice of venue and time of day. Any arrangement a women initiates with a man should be before 8pm, this will mask the underlying romantic undertone and not intimidate him. When it comes to sleeping with a guy, wait 8 weeks. By modern day standards this is a “long” time. It’s enough time to make him absolutely crazy about you but not to much time that he will lose interest. Remember we are dealing with men, they have very limited attention spans. NEVER DATE YOUR BEST FRIENDS EX-BOYFRIEND no matter what she says or how hard he tries, women are not wired correctly to handle that situation. Hope these tips give you a leg up on the dating scene.                                                           Singles & Dating 2010-03-05T10:46:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/how_do_i_keep_my_new_guy_happy/Matt Titus http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/how_do_i_keep_my_new_guy_happy/Matt Titus#When:01:45:01Z It’s only been one date, but what can I do to make sure date number 2 is just as good? Here is a punch list of things to do in order to ensure that you rock his world on date number two: Create mystery: do not call him between dates. Let him wonder what you do during your personal time. Let him see how independent and self sufficient you are. This will turn him on and make him want more of you, as well as give you a lot to talk about on date number two. Silence is GOLDEN: Don’t get motor mouth syndrome. Let him talk. This will make him feel wanted and important, as well as allow you to learn about him. No Sex Rule: Do not sleep with him!! Hopefully, you didn’t do this already. If you did, don’t do it again, make him work for it this time. If you still haven’t, good for you. Make him wait till you feel he is worthy of your “it girl” status. Singles & Dating 2010-03-03T01:45:01-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_am_i_daydreaming_about_my_ex/Tamsen Fadal http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_am_i_daydreaming_about_my_ex/Tamsen Fadal#When:13:37:00Z Dear Matt & Tamsen, I have been constantly daydreaming about my ex- boyfriend. What does this mean? Sleepwalking in Chicago, Marla   It means that your romantic life needs an injection (literally) of new love. We are not going to tell you that this is a sign to re-kindle a broken relationship or give him a second chance. Take it as an indication to leave the past behind and get a new guy to dream about. Here are three ways to make sure your old flame does not make any more guest appearances in your dreams. 1. Think about all the time that wasted with a guy that ultimately turned out to be wrong for you. You probably missed a lot of opportunity meeting guys that might have mattered. Don’t let that happen again. 2. Think about the worst thing that he did to you when you were together and how much it hurt you. 3. Try to imagine telling your best friend or family that you are going to give Mr. Wrong a second chance and how disappointed they would be in your decision. 4. Remember that the hours you are spending thinking about him are "gone forever", just like he should be!       Love & Relationships 2010-03-02T13:37:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_cant_i_spend_every_second_with_him/askmteditor http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/why_cant_i_spend_every_second_with_him/askmteditor#When:10:55:00Z Dear Matt & Tamsen, I don’t like to play games. I have been seeing this guy for eight weeks, and I am head over heels. I want to spend every second with him and tell him just how I am feeling, but my friends tell me if I don’t play hard to get he will lose interest. Why can’t I just be myself? Confused in Philly, Sara   Don't fret Sara, we have the answer! Men and women have completely different brain chemistry. Yes, men and women are the same species, but two entirely different animals. When it comes to emotional intimacy, women are light years ahead in their ability to process, as well as display, their true intimate feelings. Women also have a highly acute ability to identify and embrace these feelings. They actually are fearless when they start to feel emotional vulnerability. Men on the other hand, are just in the process of beginning to “walk upright” when it comes to their ability to understand, process or even display their intimate feelings towards a woman. Men tend to panic and retreat as soon as they begin to feel emotional vulnerability. So, the trick is for you to understand, it’s not that he doesn’t feel the same way, it’s just that his ability to identify, understand and ultimately be willing to accept he’s falling in love, is much slower and archaic than yours. Be smart and patient, and without playing games, you will be able to show Mr. Right just how you are feeling without him turning into Mr. Invisible.   Ask M&T 2010-03-01T10:55:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/win_an_autographed_copy_of_why_hasnt_he_called/askmteditor http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/win_an_autographed_copy_of_why_hasnt_he_called/askmteditor#When:10:27:00Z Get ready to discover the "Book of Love" with our very special contest. Win an autographed copy of Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal's best selling hit "Why Hasn't He Called?" right here on the website! All you need to do to enter is register for our newsletter. By joining you'll be the first to know about all the exciting events taking place in the world of love and relationships! CLICK HERE TO ENTER! Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal's hit guide to finding true love, Why Hasn't He Called?, was recently named as one of the ten most iconic relationship books of the '00s by YourTango.com! When compiling the list of the best relationship books of the past decade, Your Tango discovered that, "Men are sex-obsessed cave men. Women are under the mistaken impression that they're living inside a real-life romantic comedy. And true love and soul mates do exist", among other facts in the game of love. In Why Hasn't He Called?, It’s been a week since your dream date. You thought the night went well but still no word from him. Sound familiar? As the husband-wife duo behind an exclusive New York dating service, the authors of Why Hasn’t He Called? have seen it all and have shocking insights into what guys are really thinking, during your first date and beyond. Armed with advice that’s both brutally honest and empowering, you’ll be able to: Learn the Secrets of the Boy’s Club Dress to impress and unleash your sexy, confident inner “Bond Girl” Determine which men are confirmed bachelors and which men are serious about a relationship Know what you should never say on a first date And MUCH MORE! Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal are a real couple offering real relationship advice. This one-of-a-kind husband and wife duo star on Lifetime's "Matched In Manhattan" television series and as regular contributors appearing have everywhere from Martha Stewart to Tyra Banks to countless national and syndicated talk shows including E!, Style Network, the CBS Early Show, Good Morning America, The Today Show, MSNBC, ABC News, The Mike and Juliet Show and Montel Williams, among others. Matt and Tamsen of course also co-founded this very website. Drawing will be held on or about February 28, 2010. Prize will be awarded randomly. Winner will be notified by email. M&T Must Haves 2010-03-01T10:27:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/how_to_be_a_guy/Matt Titus http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/how_to_be_a_guy/Matt Titus#When:12:11:00Z Dear Matt & Tamsen, I'm a pretty and bright young woman who is finding it hard to attract a guy. I keep getting caught up in "his game", how can I play to WIN?? HELP! Yours In Confusion, Vanessa   The best way to get a guy is to think like one, use these “MANnerisms” next time you hit the scene: If you can out think him then you can out maneuver him. Here are some rules that all men have regarding the scene. 1. Going out to clubs, lounges or bars is for one thing: to get in, get on and then get off. He is not looking for a serious relationship, so if you’re cool with that then go for it, if not, then take everything he says as an attempt to get you on your back, knees or stomach. 2. When a guy approaches you early in the evening, you are being used for target practice. The night is far too young and there are way too many other women around for him to connect so early. Have a quick meaningful conversation with him and then blow him off. If he is serious, he will circle back around later in the evening. If his friends leave him and go on to the next bar, then he has hit his target…YOU! 3. The scene seems to provide men with an opportunity to assume aliases as well as multiple personalities. Since guys are looking for one thing when they go out for a night on the town, they believe that the most time they will ever spend with you is probably 8 to 10 hours and then they will never see you again. So watch out for janitors who become neurosurgeons or sales reps that play professional football.   Ask M&T 2010-02-26T12:11:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/5_ways_to_detect_if_hes_a_confirmed_bachelor/Matt Titus http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/5_ways_to_detect_if_hes_a_confirmed_bachelor/Matt Titus#When:12:13:00Z Spring is upon us, so it's time to do some spring cleaning with your address book if the Man of the Moment is not ever going to commit. Here are 5 ways to see if your guy is devoted to his single status, or if he's just taking it slow. 1. Mr. Man is distracted or not emotionally available. Are his former relationships behind him? Can he go on a date without talking about his past relationships? If the answer is no, consider him Mr. Can't & Won't Commit. 2. He's never been married . . . not even close. Is he just as happy being alone as he is being with someone? Or is he too focused on a career or other interests to give enough to a relationship? If the answer is yes -- bachelor alert! 3. He is the king of short term relationships. Why won't he follow through on long term romance? This kind of guy is happy to keep repeating the same relationship mistakes, as long as it's with someone new. 4. He has zero relationship goals. Is he set in his ways? Does he refuse to talk about the relationship? This man isn't willing to make a commitment. If he's too set in his ways, you likely won't change him. 5. He is not financially secure. He is fickle with his career as well as his relationship. You want to build a life together, but he wants to live in the moment. You want a nest egg, but he wants to fly the coop when you talk about being financially secure. It's time to move on and find someone who is not a confirmed bachelor! How Men Think 2010-02-25T12:13:00-05:00 http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/10_signs_he_is_cheating/Matt Titus http://www.askmattandtamsen.com/index.php/blog/article/10_signs_he_is_cheating/Matt Titus#When:01:03:00Z My husband is very protective of his email passwords. He is always on Facebook. And, he constantly leaves his cell phone in the car, plus it's locked. I suspect he is cheating on me. But are there any signs that I can look for before I accuse him of this? -Campbell, Miami, FL  We often get questions from our AskMattAndTamsen readers asking for signs of cheating. While no person or relationship is the same, there are a few tell tale signs that you can look for to try and determine if your partner is straying. 1.Too Much Of A Good Thing Is Bad This is a classic sign of cheating. It may sound weird, but if your man is too attentive, showers you with love, affection and especially gifts, he may be the cheating kind. This is not to say that every attentive man is seeing someone behind your back, but if his affection is out of the ordinary, over the top and all consuming, you may want to keep an extra eye on him.  2. New Music, New Cologne, New Attitude If you man is suddenly rocking out to JT, wearing a new scent and is all of a sudden the life of the party (when he was once Mr. Shy Guy) he may be straying. Often times, men take on new behavior or the likes of the person they are trying to impress and striving to be with. 3. He Accuses You This is one of those classic signs of cheating: he accuses you of straying. This happens because he is over ridden with guilt and is projecting his feelings onto you.  4. His Phone Is Off Or Off Limits If you do not have access to your mate's phone or he turns it off or is very private and jumpy when rings, he most likely has something to hide. A man with no "strange on the side" is not worried about who's calling. 5. He Likes To Fight This is again due to guilt and the fact he is trying to give himself an excuse for his bad behavior. He is fighting with you so he can justify the fact he is seeing someone else, telling himself, "I am not happy in my relationship, she picks on me, therefore it's OK to get attention elsewhere." 6. I Don't Want Your Sex Your sex life comes to a screeching halt. If you can't remember the last time you had sex, it's a pretty good indication that he is getting it somewhere else.  7. New Friends Could Be Your Enemy All of a sudden your mate starts talking a lot about a "new friend at work" someone he met "at the gym" or a "neighbor who is nice." This is not a one time mention but a person he constantly refers to in conversation.  8. He Is Unreliable He comes home late from works, leaves early for the gym and doesn't always answer his phone. Inconsistencies like these can make for a bad bed partners and are another sign he may be seeing someone else.  9. He Protects Friends Who Cheat 'You are the company you keep' rings true in this case. If you man protects his friends who cheat by lying for them and helping them with cover stories, chances are they are doing the same for him.  10. Gut Check No, you are not being paranoid, sometimes you just know. If you feel it in your gut, it could very well be your man is straying from home. Don't dismiss the smell of perfume on his jacket, the mysterious phone calls to your home or the sudden late hours at the office. Ask M&T 2010-02-24T01:03:00-05:00